will things ever gonna get better?

as if things aren't bad enough, it just got worse..wow
what could be the worst i wonder..
anything else coming? hmm, can i still take it?
and the longer it is, the worse it gets
will things ever turn for the better?
how long will it be?
the thing is: i dont know

i just know i am now utterly shattered, crushed & defeated
failure after failure, hopes are gone, faith is missing
i'm almost to my limit & i've no idea what to do anymore

rushing against time
pressure coming from myself, family, peer, corporations
and i'm facing this all alone
i wonder how long more can i put up with these

all i ever wanted is a chance
but nobody is willing to give any
most of the time, i'm treated with ignorance and rejection
maybe its all my fault anyway
simple no experience whatsoever
and i'm just never good enough
what a useless brat i am

what's the point of having achieved the graduate level
so what? i may ask
i'm a failure & this achievement has not much meaning now
when it doesnt make any difference at all
it makes me condemn myself even more

everytime i look at them, i feel a tug inside my heart
my parents have worked hard all their lives
for me & my siblings sake
now i just want to ease their burden
when i have the ability to be more independent
get a job & earn some money
so they dont have to support me with allowance anymore

yet, the time has not come
there are some desires, wants & needs
but i wanna fulfill them only with the money i earned myself
i'm trying not to spend parents' hard earned $$ for my own purpose
and i'm pretty much still in struggling stage
cant help feeling how irresponsible i am at this moment

should i just take another route or perhaps a short cut?
maybe its a form of waste but at least it wont be a waste of time anymore
if i just choose to make a living with a job that doesnt require much qualification or skill
as long as it is enough to get me survive through basic, simple needs

i am only worried of the real future
but i'm out of energy & perspective to look at things in a more positive manner
time is continually ticking
the constant wait, it freaks me out day by day

失落，挫败，自卑
这些应该是最适合形容我的心情的字眼吧
除了这些之外，我也不知道如何解释了

我很累了
不想继续走下去
可以放弃吗?
说真的，其实这样我以后再也不用烦
别人也不需要为我烦了
那岂不是一举两得
很好的结局吗？