Happy New Year 2011

Hope everyone will have another fresh new start for the beginning of a brand new decade in this millennium

Having gone through another year, it makes me realize the importance that to be blessed with the basic simple things in life e.g. richness in joy & wealth in health are really reasons sufficient for one to feel grateful in life as long as one has enough to spend for a living.

Of course, it would be ideal with the presence of wealth, health & joy all at the same time but sometimes $ isn’t necessarily everything, many people may have abundance of $ but yet still fail to indulge health & happiness. It is I think less significant to be short of $ rather than being unhappy or unhealthy.

I dont have any complicated wishes this year except that everyone stays safe, happy & healthy while having enough to enjoy the pleasures of life :)

Happy New Year to all~!

will things ever gonna get better?

as if things aren't bad enough, it just got worse..wow
what could be the worst i wonder..
anything else coming? hmm, can i still take it?
and the longer it is, the worse it gets
will things ever turn for the better?
how long will it be?
the thing is: i dont know

i just know i am now utterly shattered, crushed & defeated
failure after failure, hopes are gone, faith is missing
i'm almost to my limit & i've no idea what to do anymore

rushing against time
pressure coming from myself, family, peer, corporations
and i'm facing this all alone
i wonder how long more can i put up with these

all i ever wanted is a chance
but nobody is willing to give any
most of the time, i'm treated with ignorance and rejection
maybe its all my fault anyway
simple no experience whatsoever
and i'm just never good enough
what a useless brat i am

what's the point of having achieved the graduate level
so what? i may ask
i'm a failure & this achievement has not much meaning now
when it doesnt make any difference at all
it makes me condemn myself even more

everytime i look at them, i feel a tug inside my heart
my parents have worked hard all their lives
for me & my siblings sake
now i just want to ease their burden
when i have the ability to be more independent
get a job & earn some money
so they dont have to support me with allowance anymore

yet, the time has not come
there are some desires, wants & needs
but i wanna fulfill them only with the money i earned myself
i'm trying not to spend parents' hard earned $$ for my own purpose
and i'm pretty much still in struggling stage
cant help feeling how irresponsible i am at this moment

should i just take another route or perhaps a short cut?
maybe its a form of waste but at least it wont be a waste of time anymore
if i just choose to make a living with a job that doesnt require much qualification or skill
as long as it is enough to get me survive through basic, simple needs

i am only worried of the real future
but i'm out of energy & perspective to look at things in a more positive manner
time is continually ticking
the constant wait, it freaks me out day by day

失落，挫败，自卑
这些应该是最适合形容我的心情的字眼吧
除了这些之外，我也不知道如何解释了

我很累了
不想继续走下去
可以放弃吗?
说真的，其实这样我以后再也不用烦
别人也不需要为我烦了
那岂不是一举两得
很好的结局吗？

Of gratitude & thankfulness

These few days have been very special to me
I've learnt to count my blessings despite the hardship i faced throughout the 2/3 months
It's exhausting to deal with mixed emotions over ups & downs
yet this is the essence of a human being, filled with different feelings that define the spice of life
maybe this is exactly what we are made for
only when one has been thru the roller coaster of emotions that one is said to have experienced life for real

The once-in-a-lifetime experience of becoming a graduate & attending convocation
The pleasant surprises, not once, but twice that my family gave me
At the times when i least expected it
All these held significant meaning for me personally
At my downtime, they really uplifted my spirits
These moments i felt touched & loved when i felt most lonely

My heart just melted at some point yet i couldnt even express my gratitude properly
Time flies past fast & i didnt even get to spend enough time with them
Yet they tolerated & waited with patience tho i wasnt thr on time but they were still there for me
For the care & sacrifices as well
I definitely couldnt thank them for more

To the friends with whom i started the journey 3 years back
i believe without your presence i wldn't be able to survive and plough through this uni life
I know i couldn't make it if it weren't for you guys
and you know who you are
yes, i do mean 'you' and u are certainly 'u'nique in every way
by the continual support, encouragement & help
i have done it & most importantly WE have made it thru successfully together

Family & friends
of all unique personalities
you are irreplaceable
and i truly appreciate your presence in my life
with that, i could only say "THANK YOU"
right from my heart & soul

The Dark Realm

still alive but barely breathing
falling into pieces & heart is breaking

equipped with nothing
no luck, no value, no worth
who cares even if you really do care

nobody will know
nobody will understand

hit by failure time & time again
uselessness, shamefulness, disappointment, upset, frustration
all experienced simultaneously

learning not to give up
yet going & waiting
and when it comes to nothing
all the more helplessness overwhelms
which is what makes it all worse
wondering until when can this be over?

once an achievement, but at this moment it no longer holds any meaning or significance
it makes no difference
feeling the bitterness now, what an irony
it will taste much sweeter if i managed to keep to my objective/goal
but sadly i've failed
the journey ahead is dark
i dont know how long or how much more i can take

自卑，
也只能一个人独自默默地承受
也许寂寞寂寞就好

然而
这些痛苦，
没人晓得

hello feb

have again left this blog empty for quite some time
due to the 'internship' life

i rmb dragging myself to go to work every morning
and getting home tired at night after work

i wouldn't say i've enjoyed a lot through this 2 months
(40 days to be exact)
mostly because of the environment i'm working in

my tough encounter
and the stress i went through

dealt with an expensive lesson
left with a couple of physical scars

but i can't deny that i've indeed learnt something more
as compared to if i stayed at home for this summer holiday

for all the while,
i couldn't help but wish time would seriously fly (though it does really)

anyway, it's now all over
and i'm glad i have my freedom back..hehe

actually there aren't many staff there at the company i worked at
to be truthful, i havent got very attached to them

yet, towards the final 2 weeks or so
i felt that we got closer somehow

didn't expect there was still some slight emotional feelings at the end
to be leaving this life behind & move on with d last part of studies

things didn't go as planned like how i wished it would be
but i accepted this opportunity as it is, just let it be
& trying to learn as much as i can

nothing much i can do then
but at least this has been a useful experience for me

a month to go before the last leg of the race
gotta get some energy charged up for the final sprint..

i hope everyone's doing fine
see y'all again by end of cny ^^

be thankful

ok, i've realised that i've neglected the blog again..

there's something that i really want & till i get it, i guess i wont be so frequent in writing more here

by the time i get it i think only will i be more hardworking in updating entries

anyway, was lucky to reach home before the heavy downpour *phew*

was walking under the rain (good thing it just started to drizzle lightly)

the frightening thing however was the sight of lightning every now & then

and the scary thunder sound

it happened before that someone had gotten struck by lightning/thunder? from what i heard

yet cut out the fact we know staying at certain places like on top of a high rise building would increase the possibility of getting struck by lightning

we still might never know who might be the unfortunate one

sometimes we're too often stuck with the 'myth' that lightning only strikes the evil people

or if you're not filial enough according to chinese stories

so as just now walking out in that stormy weather, my conscience hit me too

ran a quick moral check in my mind whether i've done bad things in my life

hopefully i hadn't *fingers crossed

it was a scary moment having those thoughts

afraid that at any time the lightning might just strike me

but luckily i reached home shortly after that, safe & sound

anyway, what came to me then was how we should be thankful that we have a home we can go back to every day after work/school

this reminded me of how good it is having a rooftop over our heads that protect us from harm & the sometimes 'merciless' weather

imagine if we're in Haiti & our houses collapsed due to the high magnitude earthquake

where would we be possibly standing at?

where would we take cover?

where can we find a strong shelter to avoid the thunder, lightning & rain?

disasters are taking place more commonly now

and the weather's going crazy these days

yet, in the midst of everything that occurred around the world,

like in this tropical country we have here

there has never really been much of any events of natural disasters

except for droughts or floods sometimes

people get traumatized & fearful after such dreadful disasters

and we would never really understand fully how those who've experienced them feel, having survived through that kind of ordeal,

in between life & death situations

family of victims dealing with the pain of losing their loved ones

i reckon,

at the end of the day,

if you think you're lucky enough not being in that situation

we should face each day with greater gratitude

and live life meaningfully

after all,

life is unpredictable & we should really appreciate it more :)

random fun

sometimes random things can be fun too
e.g. take part in hitz.fm cruiser event

DJs were giving out free 7UP revive can drinks at 1st
cool, coz they were thirst quenching on a hot night anyway
then, they lured us to stay around by tempting us we could stand a chance to win more things
soon, out of curiosity,
a crowd came by as well

the next thing they gave out were 'The Critique' magazine
by answering easy questions
never heard of the name of the mag but no harm also..
least it's something extra to read while having ntg to do

then,
the DJ gave out free RM20 vouchers to the night park for sunway lagoon
actually, there's temporary free entry to the theme park at night currently
but need to pay for the rides of course
had once entered & have a look but didn't play anything

coincidentally,
they gave out vouchers
supposed to have been tired from walking in mid valley during afternoon
but since it was valid on the night itself
spent it there anyway..haha

there's more,
played a really simple game
and got into running for 1st & 2nd place
but with luck, got 2nd..
the prizes were pendrive by monster.com (which i've never heard of)
or choose 1 of 2 colours of a 'Lois' brand T-shirt of the same design
so, in the end..got that T-shirt as well for free

there was actually one final part where it involved recording a video of participants doing some exaggerated actions (which i heard would be posted on FB)
and after that require highest voting to walk away with prize money
winner could either get RM50 in cash or go home with a free carton of 7up revive
this contest was a bit more complicated
& didn't stay for that since only 3 other participants got a chance to win those

this became the 2nd time taking part in their simple events like this
the 1st time, got free drinks, magazines as well as Hotlink goodie bag too
oh well,
though it's not something really precious or valuable
but short moments of fun time could be entertaining anyway

so, why not just be random & join in the excitement at times?
after all, it wont cost u anything & neither would u have anything to lose
hope y'all had a good weekend :P

Happy New Year !!

Aloha ~ welcome to year 2010!

oh dear,

2009 is over

it's now another new year

but no fear

hope everything's good altogether

still alive..

a short & random post here cause i realize i've abandoned bloggie quite a while again & just to show i'm still alive..

anyway,
finally tried archery today
i think robin hood must have been pretty good & well-trained
considering his renowned fame for archery
(though i wonder if there's really such a person or he existed only in the disney cartoon of robin hood legends)

my arms got tired & the muscles are sore..
haven't exercise much except walking to & fro before and after work
as well as up & down the staircase all the time

holding the bow especially would put a strain after you've been holding it for some time
stretching the arrow back needs some skill (and long hands) too to give you a 'yeng' pose while you're about to shoot the arrow
hmm, aiming can be better if only the hands don't get tired so quickly

perhaps will try again next time if there's chance to play with friends
at least then the fatigue after work would have gone away too

i do enjoy sports & adventurous activities
and if i have lotsa $$
i think i would invest in some sports games every now & then or go hit the gym

on another note,
i think it's time i start to write out a 'what-i-want-to-do-in-my-life' list
already have some ideas & thoughts about it from time to time
just not sure how many it would come up to eventually
& which ones will be achieved ultimately

but i wanna try to plan them out
and see if i could get them done within the days of my life..
preferably with some like-minded souls who are interested in carrying out the similar things
hopefully i can find some 'partner-in-crime' or fellow mates and friends to do it with me too someday..

that's all for now..
c y'all next time
till then,
have a good day :)

bad day

life is hard
sometimes it's really tough to deal with it

had a bad, long, hard day
luckily got home before the rain but the weather reflected my mood
the feeling of guilt can kill
knowing having screwed up, big time..

now, i shall learn to be a learner
never let panic get in your way
whatever it is,
never underestimate a careless mistake
as simple or silly as it is
you would never know how much it will cost you or what's the 'price' to pay
just stop & think twice
it's better than regretting over something which can't be saved

hopeless and expecting the worst
but still gotta face the reality
i lost courage but i must not give up
just wish things will get better and there's opportunity for redemption

update from internship

didn't realize that working (even as just an intern) can be so tiring actually
well, long hours straight in the office for 2 days with no specifically assigned task can be boring
except for reading journal on the 1st and 'find-your-own-thing-to-do/read-up' on the 2nd
this is enough to get one mentally tired

anyway, glad it wasn't exactly the same for 3rd day
but, i guess one would surely get physically tired instead when:
on the previous day,
- just slept only for 3 or 4 hours
- fried donuts whole day (about 200 of them)
- walked up & down 108 steps of the staircase and walked some more
what more, all on a rainy day & being nervous that exam results would be released

supposed to have prepared the dough for making roti canai for the next day
but the fella's not around to teach us
anyway, the day wasn't that bad afterall
learnt how noodles are made

just a few days & mind's filled with:
wheat, flour, bran, wholemeal, starch, gluten, etc...
tired..

but at least we are involved, could see & get hands on with the production of food products right from the basic raw ingredients
which i think is rather interesting because it's food rather than non-edible items
it's also exciting to be able to taste & try out the end product from the efforts being put in

for now,
there are still a few different things that hopefully the company staff could teach us
so then it wouldn't be that boring later

imagine keep looking at the clock ticking
having the thought of counting how much time left before off-work time
and counting the number of public holidays in the month
(*loving the idea that starting from next week,
there would be public holidays on friday for 4 weeks consecutively...wohohohohoho)
just so that we don't need to turn in for work & can rest, just do our own things

experiencing this kinda working life actually makes me appreciate weekends
and i now know why people rejoice & thank-god-when-it's-friday
6pm has become the time that i look forward to the most on weekdays
because it's time to go home from work..hehe

really hope there won't be many boring days throughout this internship period
and this would be a good opportunity to benefit from a practical learning that would be useful in the future

at home away from 'home'

3-months holiday ain't easy to pass by if you've no distinct task to complete
with friends mostly back to their respective hometowns

there may be entertainment around but it may not fulfill satisfaction in life
emptiness lingers around once in a while

a sudden halt to the hectic life just gives much time to spare day by day
unless one can find some meaningful activities to do

this is a life of a student
but i guess it would be the same to working life

after all,
studies or work are what mask one away from the sweet time one can have all to oneself
at the end of the day,
having been bz with all the appointed job/assignments
one just desires to take a good rest
before the same old cycle repeats itself again the next morning
waking up early -> go to school or work -> back home to rest

this kinda life leaves not much time for one to really think what we're actually living for
maybe that's why life is meant to live with accompanied by a purpose

but this is just the typical life that's practically about the same for everyone
when you've studied/worked hard enough for a certain amount of time
you seek rest & that's when holidays come in
after getting refreshed,
you get back to carrying out the responsibility of playing the role of student/worker

ryte now,
it's the point in between where i've yet to complete studies
with no proper certificate to enter the workforce
(though i'm not ready to work anyway, coz that would be ongoing for the rest of life)

anyhow,
it's life

people start off with play,
then begin to get education
being a student at 1 stage is quite 'carefree' really
(because it's taking up to almost 2 decades)
have nothing much to worry except for homework
most dont need to even think of sustaining a livelihood as yet

well then,
what all hope for now is to graduate successfully
work & then probably get married, start a family
continue to work......

basically, as student's life is over,
i feel one can sense the freedom to choose whatever they want to do
what kinda work they're gonna involved in
provided with the conditions & situations

because there's no more restrain of studying
no longer getting bound by homework
and that's when one fully takes charge of life
nobody's gonna really control you what to do afterwards
you can change your jobs if you dont like one over the other
and you can do almost whatever you want with the money you earn

anyhow
work mostly just helps one to support living expenses
and no money means you can't put food on the table
no food -> starve -> life (just might) end here

perhaps living life with a purpose
means you can be certain of what you're capable of doing
and doing it with passion (and/or talent)
that way, you still cherish life
because you dedicate (probably the whole lifetime)
doing what you can do best & still enjoy doing it daily

:)

screwed biological clock

haven't sleep .. haven't sleep .. haven't sleep ..

thus, shall blog about some random things

a. As yet, I still haven't watched 2012 ..
really wanna watch it in cinema

b. Thinking of going for trip after graduation
(even though have yet to graduate)

[don't feel like starting work immediately,
well, that's if any company wanna hire me la]

p/s: anyway, if anybody wanna tag along,
i guess can start suggesting for places to explore

c. It's raining now.. good time to tuck in to bed
(but will do it later)

d. I want to go for food trips in penang or ipoh or malacca
(next sem, can we make it come true, my fellow monashians?)

e. I want to play badminton, bowling, tabletennis, basketball... etc...

f. I'm missing home a lil'

g. I hope i can pass exam

h. I like listening to soothing songs in the middle of the night,
calm & peaceful..

i. Looking forward to spend holidays with family
(though short but always the best time of the year)

j. I need to stop eating so much

k. I should sleep now ..................................... zZzzzzzzzz

bye bye ;P

i'm free (for just 1 more week)

seems like i've abandoned bloggie for quite a while now
thought i'd pen down something here just to show i'm still alive..haha

to have freedom to laze around & do (almost) whatever i like for now is good
at least i dont have stress to rush for uni work
or (force) myself to wake up early for the morning classes
coz i'm having short holidays..temporarily

on the bright side, i can still enjoy for 1 more week
on the dim side, i've to start internship for 2 months very quickly

i've decided to let myself off my part-time job this time
just realized that it's the last summer holiday i'm gonna have
the 1st one, i spent some time working

the 2nd one, i spent it working too
is that why i'm feeling kinda tired
as if i've not much rest afterall with the 3-months break all the while?

now the 3rd & last one, i'll be working too
(too bad this one is compulsory in order to graduate later & i'm not sure how it would be like)
i hope it's not some boring work where i've to get stuck in the research lab whole day?
but i doubt it would be much interesting anyway

what to do?
no choice but to just do it
sometimes things just dont always go the way you would like it to be

turned 21st for a week now..
life is indeed like a roller coaster,
giving me a variety of feelings & emotions

imagine having to sit for exam on that day itself
luckily it was the last paper for the finals
and i can right away enjoy the 'momentary' freedom which i've seek for throughout the hectic 3 months semester uni life after the paper

not the 1st time spending it in an exam hall actually
it's my 2nd time having to sit for exam on the day the age figure changes
the last one was during a-levels

definitely not enjoyable
anyhow, glad it's over now

nervous because it's an exam which i know i've to do well in exam in order to pass
excited because i'm officially legal (by age)
sad because i'm getting older?

but i guess it's the undeniable fact
that by the end of every year..
everyone eventually turns a year older anyway

hmm, short trip to langkawi was quite fun
though i now regret i didn't buy more chocs
but i realize i've been constantly trying to hunt & search for food to bite on in this holiday
so, perhaps it was a good thing i didn't buy too much of it

i guess i've really should get out & do some exercise
(anybody still around here in sunway & interested?)
i guess most have gone back home
by the time we meet up for the commencement of the final sem
we'll be bz again
but if anybody has any plans..you're most welcomed to ask me out for activities
if we can cope up with each other's daily schedule..

or maybe spend more time outdoors (e.g. going to work)
to keep me away from distracting myself with food
self-control much needed

it does get a little boring to have no task that i should complete
but i do appreciate the time when i can totally keep myself relaxed
not to think, not to worry (except for my internship)

to just wake up anytime i like..
do whatever i feel like doing
tend to be lazy..
but who cares?
be freee ~~~~~~~ (for a while)

anyway, gambateh to all currently studying
happy holidays to all who finished their exams for now..

will update more after i get pics from trip
or when i start internship

tata ^^

1 more paper before 1 more sem but....

it has been long, it has been tough .................... and it's still not over yet *sigh*

i dare not aim high, just hoping much i'll survive through it
getting it done with is simply good enough
and wish the next one would be slightly better after the worst being experienced

definitely not an enjoyable one,
but that's what been laid out in front
no choice but to keep going,

i guess a reminder to be taken note of would be:

if you ever get knocked down,
remember that it's not about time to give in yet
instead, take a short time-out
then get up & fight again

------------------------------------------------------

hmm, hush.....
i'm feeling life's missing something ryte now
nothing special to 'spice-up' life a little
it's been revolving around studies only mostly
and i'm tired of it

especially as i feel quality of life deteriorates in some way
considering how hectic this uni life would be

deprivation of sleep
lack of nutritious food
irregular meal times
sedentary lifestyle without much physical activity

all these i've learnt
that the exact opposite of what have been mentioned above;
would be essential to lead to a better health condition
but ironically,
i've achieved all of those improper lifestyle habits

seriously,
i need a break
which should come true as planned if everything goes well
short but anticipating it to be a good vacation getaway
to rid of all the exhaustion
before anything else begins again

being away from home for more than 2 years already
and kinda missing home a bit
even though home-sick symptom rarely appears in me

but home..
is at least the place i can leave all else behind (temporarily)
and fully enjoy the comforts i get as much as i can

was a fresh start exploring a different environment 2 years back then
but now it's really a bit boring
as if staying in a 'nut-shell' for too long

even when there are actually many places that can plan to go for a visit
variety of nice food choices to indulge in
wide range of interesting activities to do

time's running out that can be spent with uni mates
and there was never enough opportunity to have great fun together

people say,
life is just like a sheet of canvas
you are the painter
it's up to you how you want to colour & create this masterpiece artwork
through your journey in life

in another context,
life may be a book with blank pages
where you are the rightful author
holding the pen & ink down the chapters of your own life in it

ultimately,
the meaning of my life?
i can't define it at the moment
because,
there's so much more to life
and so far, i still have yet to say i've been there, done that..

for now,
i just want to live a happy life
one that would make me smile at the beginning of a brand new day
and sufficient for me to sustain throughout another day
is that too much to demand for?

.....

i'm gonna contradict myself .. for what i'm about to express
even if i noe i should remind myself with my very own previous entry which i've posted..

for now,
the recent weather seems to reflect my current mood very well
cloudy,moody,rainy..bring it on



the surrounding, it's so wet ..
just like tears gonna flood my eyes & start flowing
the environment's cold & the same goes for my heart too

(physically wise, i'm shivering every day.. struggling to fight the freezing lib at the same time)
how long more can i still withstand such condition i wonder?
why can't it just stop raining?



rain, rain..go away
come again another day pls?

sunshine .. stop hiding pls
i need some warmth & grandpa sun to brighten up my day a bit



i feel like i've just been defeated..
now going speechless
will be turning on silent mode
until i don't know when
i dont feel like i wanna talk anymore

sorry, i'm just not good enough
i've tried but maybe i haven't really put out my best
when everyone else could have achieved better
it was just a bad attempt
utterly disappointed

on another unrelated note
i think coffee no longer functions in me as it claims
been drinking coffee quite frequently,
almost daily



yet, i don't feel much different
except for the diuretic effect (if it really has...)
i don't think it's helping me to keep alert & stay awake
or probably my body system isn't sensitive enough for it to work?
i dont know
i reckon i can actually just fall asleep anyway even after taking coffee

only alcohol has its defined symptoms for me
*in an exaggerated manner more than it usually occurs in other normal person

well, now, especially when in uni,
taking coffee after coffee after coffee
can drink up to 3 cups a day
is that too much of caffeine intake?

note

this is my current status:
i'm actually feeling kinda frustrated with myself because i see there could have been so much room for improvement, yet, i've not really tried my best ..
and it's too late to make amendments for that .. *sigh*

well, anyways..
there's still 1 more part where it just might make a lil difference..
so the more i shouldn't be giving up on now since it's not over yet
it's just, hmm, not quite the time yet..

to all of you out there trying to live life
i'm not trying to market products, promote or do any free-advertising here..
but hope this might motivate u a bit if you guessed you've not done well but can always do better..

why not think about this:

1. When you realized life is going well, embrace it & learn to appreciate or cherish it..

Are you enjoying it?

2. Open up the world of your mind:

Dare to be creative & unique

3. Whenever you have doubts over matters which might make you regret next time for once allowing the opportunity slip away just like that, don't worry or think too much about it then, instead..

Go ahead..

4. When you start to feel tired, have a small snack in between

Relax yourself..

5. In case you feel lonely, remember this:

somebody else is with you as well

6. If you think of letting go, remind yourself:

Don't Give Up Just Yet

7. Finally, just live life as it is !

Live It to the Fullest..

8. Just don't forget to take good care of yourself always ~

Stay Healthy


-----------------------------------------------------------------

Here's another interesting thing that i've come across somewhere & i thought it meaningful to share here

The 8 basis on which a healthy relationship can be built on:

(i) Love

(ii) Trust

(iii) Honesty

(iv) Communication

(v) Patience

(vi) Understanding

(vii) Happiness

(viii) Faithfulness

Consider all of these mentioned, for me..
it does make sense & it is quite true in fact,
although easier said than done..
because i know actions do speak louder than words
but if u could just try apply what was stated above
i think the relationship will work out at least slightly better

Do believe in yourself (:
hope you guys have a great day ahead ^^



tata..

TGIF

i've just witnessed a spectacular view of fireworks ryte out of my window
literally everywhere, at least from 10 various spots simultaneously, no kidding ..

now, how i wished i had a camera,i really feel like i wanna capture that precious moment in time
bcoz as much as i wanna rely on immortalizing that amazing sight in my own mind,
i noe eventually, my memory couldn't hold & last that long

one day, if i couldn't picture it anymore..i'll be forgetting about it
that's why photograph works wonders giving the sense of evidence that once, there was this something really nice that appeared and it's all worth for the keep ..

have had great experience watching fireworks in shanghai during cny
that was really wonderful as we've walked out to the streets, watching the fireworks shoot up right in front of our eyes..

the feeling that the fireworks blowed up loud, as if exploding towards your direction in close distances, very mesmerizing

fireworks just colours the whole night sky,
and watching 'em reminds me again that life can be this exciting & colourful as well
not just as dark as the night might seem to be
and it can in fact be interesting just like the various patterns of fireworks made

it's friday again .. TGIF
(well, actually saturday just started)
but the assignments, reports, presentations, quizzes for this sem had just been fully completed
waiting for the exam season approaching soon
gotta start preparing soon again

have no idea why throughout this sem,
i've actually been anticipating the exam season to come

maybe coz that's when i can really put down the stress & burden of having to deal with challenging, never-ending assignments over packed datelines

i don't mean to say it's enjoyable to 'face the (real) book' & study
but at least i can focus on just studying properly what i should have learnt
(instead of applying the theories without having fully understood them for the sake of asgts)

and it would mean the sem will be over soon
that's indicating getting rid of yet another sem after putting in so much effort
also hinting holiday's coming and graduation is near as well

it seems like so far tonight had been fun ..
not that it's filled with many activities
but because i'm relieved i survived through the crazy hectic 12 weeks rushing for uni work
after feeling like i'm gonna die from exhaustion or give up halfway thru

perhaps it would feel like the fireworks are part of the celebration for freedom of assignments (temporarily)
but really it's due to the public holiday (happy deepavali)
yet, somehow, i didnt expect that much fireworks (or firecracker sounds heard as well)
it felt more like the arrival of a brand new year 2010 .. haha
or i wonder if it is actually related to this festival of "lights" that so many fireworks were lit up

anyhow, glad it's the time to get to settle down to study before this sem ends
gambateh everyone ~
*i'm sleepy already*

tata

stresssssssssss

omg..

as of now, i think i need some emotion therapy..
something to soothe my mood a little

now, what kinda food really has calming effects huh?
i think i need double portion of those..
not even listening to music aids in relaxing myself already

uni life ain't that fun, if u happen to be studying in monash sunway campus
who said uni life is supposed to be enjoyable, i find it quite the opposite at the moment

stress may be abstract, but it's inevitably there
when there are so many things to accomplish within a limited amount of time

mid-sem break is not as promising as it seems
it's just getting u some spare hours from attending lectures

yet, imagine the pile of assignments waiting with close datelines

gosh, how should i get rid of this feeling of anxiety that builds up every now & then
racing against time is really scary
and i guess you know how fast time flies

if i can, i'd wanna freeze time NOW
and hope whatever's in the world stops for a while
let me get back on the right track first and foremost
before things resume back to normal

i feel suffocated from flooded by uni work which is basically never-ending,
and we've been doing them non-stop since 'god-knows-when'

my heart's pumping fast and as though the beat's getting out of pace..
can't breath well or sleep peacefully without getting haunted by 'nightmare' (assignments)
all floating in mind while i doze off

emotionally challenged,
not only in studies but at work place as well
had a bad, long, terrible day, almost the worst i can say
but just don't want mention about it any longer
it hurts especially when nobody understands

and i've to pick myself up again to face all the tough work ahead
how should i calm myself down?

maybe taking a break is a solution?
hmm, that's when the guilt strikes in
because despite resting a bit for a sec
deep down i know i cant afford to waste anymore time

where should i channel my nervousness?
perhaps this is why i'm writing an entry here..
sorry bloggie for spamming you with my worrying thoughts

but i think i need a shout-out (yes, literally wise)
where should be a good spot to do that i wonder

hu-ha.. hu-hah ..
i nearly felt like i'm gonna die ..
somebody save me
but nobody could help much i think

*sigh* >.<

how i wish it could be as simple as this:

saying bye-bye to stress by gulping it all down as desserts?

i've currently reached this state
(i.e. read s.t.r.e.s.s.e.d forwards just as it is)

and i hope to turn it backwards
can i reverse the reaction with desserts?
then there's no more stress?
i wonder if this equilibrium could ever be achieved

but of course i doubt stress will disappear so easily by itself unless you take away all that fear & successfully conquer whatever that's laid in front on the spot

desserts may help cheer u up a bit, but finally even after desserts eaten, stress will not be gone away just like that

stress definitely doesnt taste nice
and my cravings for desserts haven't even been satisfied yet..
after throughout almost the whole sem

find no time to settle that from beginning till now and due to some inconveniences in travelling from one destination to another
even planning for a simple food trip can be stressful when things don't go the way it's scheduled
now, it becomes more stressful and tiring to continue to plan again

well i reckon i'll just be thankful
*IF i can survive the following weeks*

just forget it..

let's face it..
life is not always how you want it to be..
i should learn to be more patient & strong-hearted..
that would spare me some mental fatigue..
maybe i shouldn't even be fooling around so much..
assignments & reports are the only ones who would never leave me alone..
time to get back to them..
no matter how i feel..
it's the perfect day to stay quiet..
good night..